Beloved Po Po

June 9

You cradled your first grandchild when she was brought home after spending 40 days in a glass. Lovingly and patiently you fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, kept her safe and warm in your embrace every night; nurtured, taught and disciplined her with love, as you did your own children;

She remembers your soft, gentle hands that prepared her favourites dishes, makes her tasty kan shui chung (dumplings) and tong yuen (glutinous rice balls); that rub oitment on her upset tummy, braided her hair, and threaded her eyebrows. The same hands that spanked her when she misbehaved as a kid and that gave her blessings at the tea ceremony of her wedding;

Her fondest memories are the times she'd lie on your lap for comfort, and nestled in your bosoms for reassurance; your voice both her source of strength and guide;

You were the revered matriach who held the family together and were always larger than life, setting examples for your children and their children. You fulfilled your role as woman, wife, mother and grandmother with dignity, and took on life's challenges with great resilience, tenacity, perseverence and determination even in your last day;

You imparted in us great values and principles that you firmly upheld and virtues that each of us (most of the time) fall short of but strive to emulate; your big-heartedness and kindness through your words, deeds and thoughts touched many lives, and your quick-mindedness, tact and wisdom never failed to astound those that crossed path with you;

In the remaining years, you put up with a failing heart and a bad knee and you endured the pains and sufferings with head held high. Such steely was your will till you breathed your last in the arms of your loving daughter, on a morning cruise amidst scenic greens and mountains.

Po Po dearest, the pain of losing you and the grief in my heart are beyond words. A loss so great and deep that transcends understanding; I never told you this - I dreamt of your death many times and each time, I woke up with tears streaming down my cheeks. I never failed to ask God not to take you home till I am ready but I guess I'd never be ready. I had to let God do His will.

Po Po, I can never thank you enough for taking care of me, for your unconditional love. I was both your granddaughter and a late daughter. As you lie in peace, reunited with Kung Kung, may the good Lord bless you. Till we meet again one day, you are forever cherished and treasured in the heart of your granddaughter.

To Live or Not To Live

March 18

I texted my cousin Maggie, asking her for the date of the fifth session of chemotheraphy that my tai yee was to go for. Her replied came that it was scheduled for 23 March, and my tai yee was adamant not to go as she feared the nausea, vomitting, and fatigue that she'd have to endure thereafter.

With a heavy sigh, I told my hubby. A short moment of silence and he asked if it was true that when one is fighting for life, one choose to die, and when death knocks on the door, one chooses to live. What about those who made the decisions to take their own lives, and half way through the act, they decide to live?

I had my bouts of suicidal thoughts when I was a teenager, back in high school. Death seemed the easy way out from the so-called bigger than life problems for an adolescent, yet I lacked the courage see it through.

Over the years I realised that my faith was my saving grace. God gave each of us life, and life being a precious gift, should not be taken lightly, or for granted. While I might have thought that I did not have to face and deal with problems after dying, I forgot that the ones that live would have to bear the heartache and grief. It was a selfish act had I had taken my own life.

Life is never without problems and challenges, all sorts, all ways and almost every other day. But God is good, and if He allows these challenges in our lives, He would carry us through. He did not promise a rosy life, but giving us strength, grace and mercy when we seek Him. The will of God will never take us where the Grace of God will not protect us.

As much as we wished we could, we could never fully understand and feel the suffering and terrible discomforts that my aunt is going through during this trying period. No one can except those who have survived the treatment and disease. We help in whatever ways that we can; encourage her with words, giving physical support and help but only God can minister to her heart, give strength and courage to her mind and take her fears and restlessness away.

We pray for God's strength and courage for my aunt as she fights this challenge. God hears our prayers and understands her struggles and fears. He is a God that heals and we ask for His healing to begin in her and make her whole again.

If you are reading this, and you are one that believes in God and the power of miracle, please pray with us, for her.

Thank you and may the good Lord bless and keep you and family.

To be or Not to be

February 27-28

Adrian's office had moved to KL Sentral from Menara Keck Seng on Jalan Bukit Bintang as the space rental had shot up way too high since Pavillion KL came about across the busy road. He had to return to the new office to move boxes and unpack. Yes, he became coolie for the last two days together with some others. The whole exercise, in my humble opinion after hearing all the problems they had and came across in the new office, was extremely badly coordinated by the Admin & HR department.

While he was busy in office from morning 10am to night 8pm, I was busy with laundry, cleaning the house and mopping the floor, ironing, did gardening and prepare my own meals. The day before, we had a chat upon his return, and I asked how the all moving went. The movers had moved all the boxes from the old office to the new, but could not move them to the various departments and workstations respectively because the workstations were not fully set up. They had to move them to another area in the new office. Since the set up was only completed few hours later, the staffs had to move the boxes themselves to where the files and documents had to be kept, and since they did not complete the exercise that night, they had to return to office today to move the rest of the boxes and items.

My first thought was that someone should have gone to the new office to check on the progress of the workstation setup, and ensure that the place is ready for the movers and items, with designated areas labelled for ease and convenience.

He grabbed a few large black garbage bags from the storage cabinet, and I asked he had to bring garbage bags to office. The reply was that the item was missed out from the exercise checklist. Duh! of course they have to be made available. Anyone would have anticipated that there would be items to discard, even if they were just papers.

Perhaps it would have been a relatively easier task for one who has done such massive exercise and coordination. Perhaps the person-in-charge had not had the experience, hence overlooked all these smaller details. I guess this is what many mean by being having the actual experience and theoretical knowledge. In theory, the rest of items or factors are status quo while in real situation, there are many variables, and many contributing elements that could affect the plan and flow. Assumptions do not work. One cannot assume that the contractors would finsih the setup by the deadline set. One also cannot assume that everything would be packed into the boxes and be moved to the new place.

What's amazing of all was that only 20 percent of the entire workforce came in on Saturday to help and ensure the exercise was completed. So where is the team spirit? Where has the sense of resposnbility and ownership gone to? I didn't realise that the company belongs only to 20 percent of staffs.

Hold On Not....

February 22

The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five.Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box. Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them?

Mommy,looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them,I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbour and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.

On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace. Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up.She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed.The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, Do you love me? "Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you." Then give me your pearls. "Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite."That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her, Jenny's daddy asked again, Do you love me?" Daddy, you know I love you."Then give me your pearls." Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek. What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace.With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, daddy, this is for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny. He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.

So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures. Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partners, relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place.

That's what we do sometimes, holding on to things that we deem precious. What are these compared to the treasures God has in stored for us in heaven?

Handbook?

February 20

A friend forwarded me a mail, which read life handbook 2009. I read, and have decided to have it placed as an entry because there ware so much truth in every line, every tip. Why then practise just in 2009? If the tips are beneficial and good, then they should be adopted every year, for many more great ones to come.

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time for prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did the year before.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.


Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realise that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Always speak the truth even if it leads to your death.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

May you find these as great reminders as I did.

St Valentine's Day

February 14

They called it a day of love :) a day of celebration in rememberance of martyred saints in ancient Rome. It is known as Feast of St Valentine, to remember the noble men revered by men, and whose acts known only to God. Along the way, it also became a day for lovers to express their adoration and love for one another, and in modern days has been overrated and commercialised.

Adrian was to return from his overseas project the same night, with his flight to touch down approximately 10.30pm. I wanted to surprise him with something he would need - a mobile phone - since his unit konked out and he was using my old Nokia.

I was in One Utama close to lunch time, and to my surprise, there were plenty of parking. After I got the SE phone, I was strolling around. Not many people but there were couples. Most of the ladies had a stalk of rose in their hands, with the other in the clutch of their other halves. As I was watching each couple, I felt a strange flow of sadness for them. I certainly hold no grudge against any couple or the day being a lovers' day. But is this day the only day to express one's love for another? If it is, then it is sad that expressing love and cherish has become an annual act. I guess in a way in making the purchase of the mobile phone, I too was no different from these couples caught up with the overrated celebration. I don't know about others. Adrian and I have the common understanding that we do not waste our money pampering each other just because it was Valentine's Day. Instead we agreed that we only buy a big gift once a year. You see, Valentine's Day, our birthdays and wedding anniversary are very close to each other. So instead of getting three different things, we each get the other one decent, useful and practical item. I guess we feel that the money spent would be a little more justifiable. Three occassion are probably good reasons to get something good and nice.

Topping that is probably our agreement that we don't do extravagent dinners that cost like RM200 / person on any of these days, especially Valentine's Day. Strictly no fresh bouquets, or teddy bears. We would just go to our favourite restaurants and have our favourite dishes on each other's birthdays. The bills, if possible, are to be less than RM100 for two. To us, we just want to have a good time, with good food in the company of each other. Perhaps some may say that we are overpractical, and least romantic and seem to have lost some excitement and surprise. Contrary to that, we actually have not :). To us, romance is just not about how much we spend, or how romantic dinners have been. It is how much sensitivity and attention given to the other in small ways, in the little things that we say and do daily.

I don't know about other ladies but I would rather have Adrian thinking of me when he passes a pastry stall, and buys me a nice piece of pastry that I'd like, or buys me a bottle of imported beer that I have not tried, or replenishes the supply of cammomile tea that I enjoy, or gets me a copy of my favourite comic, Baby Blues. Now that's Valentine's Day for me, every other day!

Quiet Start

January 29

I began work in office whilst Adrian was still on leave to finish up the painting job. The wet afternoons do not make it easy for the paint to dry.

Traffic in the morning whilst I was travelling to work was,needless to say, real smooth. If only it was so everyday. It was real bliss in office as it was less than 20% of the total workforce were present and I enjoyed the quiet and peace.

As years passed, I enjoy peace and quiet more and this is no exception for the environment at work. In reality, there's hardly any peace and quiet in office, especially in one that adopts the open concept. This is extremely challenging for a melancholic person as me. Since I am not at the level that I am entitled to have my own room in office, I usually stuff my ears with the earphones, even though I have no songs / music playing on my WMP. If I did, it'd be the six balinese tracks from album Bali Midori that I find soothing to my ears and mind. Sound of birds chirping, water running, and the alluring, celestial soothing scores of bamboo flute accompanied by soft rhythmic beats of the gong, and string instruments. These six tracks would be on repeat mode until I am done at work.